This city street opens up a place for me, on it's bruised and dirty carcass.

Maybe we're the same that way - the city and I - both here, marvels of evolution, progress and fusion; and simultaneously out of place, a discorded footprint during time's relentless march.

The City is a fascination as well as a terror. It breeds a deep duality within me. Excitement, intrigue, experience and expression as well as anxiety  oppression  conformity and obscurity It lends itself to hope and indifference in a single moment.

In many ways I know it's th end of an era.

But will I remember? Remember how to hear the sounds of a soft shoe scuffle? The parade of leather souls down cracked and beaten paths. Will I remember how to see the stars, as  I have again and again, for the first time? Will I remember that most great things come in small packages, to be savoured and set free? Will I remember how to free my eyes, when the time comes, from those perspectives that do not serve me? Remembering rather that I am creator of all magic, the director of my dreams, rolling the camera backwards I breath life into the narratives that I have lived. A narrative of strength, endurance and perseverance A narrative of kindness, insight and the quest for commonality. Will I remember home is a place I carry in my heart, not a destination? Will I remember all the lessons? To be kind to ourselves in our moments of weakness They are fleeting and necessary. To be open to the possibility in all things and all people. To not be afraid. To never, ever let fear rob us of curiosity. That all fear is a creation of the mind. Will I remember to dream big and live small? That life exists most profoundly in the moment and all change is made through small and immediate action, not in long protracted thought. To embrace the newness with compassion. remember that wherever you go, there is someone there trying to get out. That freedom is a mechanism of choice, not having choices. We don't have freedom - we choose it - in the deepest parts of us.

Will I remember that we are not a summation of 'proofs' things you can put down on paper, wards you can hold or deed you can count. Do not build your sense of self on accolades. You will always be miserable and never know why. Because there will be long stretches of time when you are alone. When  attention is spare and suspect and the worlds indifference will be crushing. You will be lonely. Utterly, disparingly lonely. This is where you start. This is the beginning of all that you are. Say hello to yourself, you will never your her more intimately.

Do not hide from those feelings or things about yourself you feel are ugly. There denile feeds deep resentment. Root it out as soon as you can. Understand what haunts you and face it. name it. Call it out and sit with it. Then let it go. Burn that ugliness with the light of conscious awareness. Know that you are infinite both in weakness and in strength. None of it matter, all that matter is that you do not run from what's inside you, what drives you. What you are most afraid to admit.

No one has any answers, though many have some very interesting things to say. Listen first. Don't force yourself on others. If they're worth the time they will ask.

Sleep when you're tired.

Eat when you're hungry.

Eat real food. Remember that what and how you eat is merely a prduct of culture and habit. You'll never regret how much better life is when you feed yourself with intent and purpose.

Be here now. stop waiting for th next thing to happen. Sheer joy is living for the moment.

Don't try and compete in anyone elses darhma. Don't play anyone elses game or live to their standards. your greatest attribute is the beauty, joy and persistance that comes from doing those things you are truley passionate about. But for godsakes Try Everything Once. becuase you'll never know what you don't know.

More people will love you respect you and do right by you than will let you down. Let it go and move on.

Practice Yoga

Enjoy. 

All You Need to Know

Broken boys

Make the best lovers

So long as you don't love them

We were so young

We were so young 

And had no idea 

And we thought we were still living 

Waiting to be grown up 

Until we realized 

We were old 

We were them

And they were us

Younger and more vibrant 

Still alive 

With the optimism 

We’d abandoned 

And all the things we could ever have been

Floated away

Neither good nor bad

Right not wrong

Just impossible 

Now that it was gone 

Every day became a frame around our lives

Making them clearer and clearer 

Until there was no ambiguity 

That potentiality could bring  

Only what was

And what would never be 

Before Tomorrow

God I love the night 

Like a restless slumber 

I go down 

To arrive 

In energetic vibrations

Humming with the stars 

Not a lullaby  

But secrets 

Too rich

And too guarded 

For the light of day 

As the thick haze gives way

To the muggy blackness

Warmed over by streetlights 

Headlights 

And glowing neon signs

I’ve always been at home here 

Half hidden in the shadows 

Bolder under the covers

Where certain eyes cannot follow 

I go here sometimes 

To remember 

The heartbeat 

Of the night 

And that nothing really sleeps

Only changes form

Compelled by the night air 

And all the possibilities that exist 

Before tomorrow 

Paid by the Hour

Ode to my Working Class boys 

My get up before the sun boys

Heart on their sleeve,

Out with the lads,

Steel toed boys.

Ode to my sweatshirted 

Bleary eyed

Wife and two kids boys 

With all their sweetness 

Simplicity 

And lunch boxes.

The hero’s of construction 

The thoughtful father 

They are the men 

With lean bank accounts 

And the best intentions 

The quiet warrior 

The unseen alpha

Up before the dawn

Between the girders 

And everywhere 

We can take their years from them

One hour at a time

Failure, le deuxieme

Let me sit and inhale,
The threatening vapours,
Of failure.

Seduced by the intoxication,
as it beckons me,
breathe deep,
and get lost,
in the mist. 

Winter Sleep

The cold, white snow cracked underfoot, giving way just a little before sinking to the frozen soil below. As always, the winter day was setting before it even began, casting, long, lazy streams of sunlight through the trees. Snowflakes danced like paper crystals in the air, gusting waves of glistening cloud into my eyes. Brittle branches creaked and swayed, with single dead brown leaves quivering a lonely hello as I made my way deeper into the woods. Coming upon a shallow, fast moving creek I inhaled deeply the pungent mix of mud and ice cold water. I stumbled ever closer, held heavy under the weight of pills and alcohol. Drowning in apathy and inhibition, I cloaked myself in the beauty around me and it stirred my sadness. Hot tears welled and burst from their ducts, streaming slowly down my cheeks, ending as cold raindrops from my nose. Nature was unusually kind today and revealing of her precious secret power to overwhelm you.

I stuck my feet in the water and soon my shoes were filled to the brim and I could feel the ice water leaching between my shoes, around my arches and ankles, stealing their warmth. It wasn’t long before my feet were numb, then hot again. I took a deep drink from the amber colored alcohol in my rub-red hands. It tasted sweet and harsh and burned its way down my throat. My eyes closed reflexively and I stood in the half light, swaying in lazy waltz with the motion of the trees. Left………….. right……….. 

I came to my knees and let the water rush past my calves and knees, piling up against my thighs. I began to shake ever so slightly, involuntarily my body continuing its will to live. I looked up at the sky, grey-wash cement clouds mixing against the blue tapestry, the sun peppering my eyes, blinking shadows. I soon stopped shaking. My legs felt heavy, like lead weights tied off around the thigh, floating behind me, amputated. I laid down backwards and inhaled sharply from the shock of cold cascading around my body. My head exposed, water rushed in to block my ears and I fell into a rumbling silence. I winced but never moved. Slowly the pain gave way and my body began to fade, heavy with water and numbness, needled in place by invisible threads of ice. The tears came again, only short burst of eye water mixing with the dim light, warming my eyelids before disappearing forever. I fingered the stones beneath my hands and sighed deeply; smooth and water worn.  I lingered for a moment in the effervescent sunshine, watching the powdery flakes float away, taking me along, higher and higher, above the deserted canopy, back from where they came.