After the Wake

Today I made my way from Setubal to Lagoa de Santo Andre, 60km on the bike for the first time.  Two hours in I rounded a corner, eyes wide, brakes off, careening down a hill I had just surmounted when suddenly;  the palms and the sun and the road and trees and the wind and the smells and the birds and sea rose out of the fermented ashes of my memory and into my throat.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

I yelled it as long and loudly as I felt it. Farmers may have woken from their labor meditations, birds may have flocked from their trees, but I don’t care. I don’t care. This day is my day. Today is mine, I made it, and I own it. All the love, perishable and imperishable in the universe builds and grows and flows within it. Today I created my own reality. Today, I am my own God.

This is the house that Jack built. 

And this is the day of suffering endured. 

This is travelling. 

This is infinite freedom.

Here there is time to exist. Time to think in the light and effervescence. Time to grow and move, with fear in your heart and peace in your shoes. Finding family everywhere you turn. Never alone, surrounded by the constantness of change. With every step that which was lost is gained, the wisdom that lives in everything. Its hearing the silence again, an unbroken melody since the dawn of time, too toxic for skin, you have to quit to begin. 

Everything is something to be known out here. Felt in the breeze, under a gentle hand, a twist of an open door. I am only as good as that which surrounds me and though I cannot fix its holes or mend its tears I can chose to see it completely, open and unmarred;  a reflection of the same light burning within me, an immense brilliance that glows now that we’ve finally made it - out here. 

Though I move in slow spurts, I now move only as I wish towards my destination, be it tomorrow or all time. My only conditions are the ones which keep me safe, the rules of nature and perseverance.  I have only to look to the future and the progress of growth to understand I have all I can possibly care to create. 

My Life. 

My Matrix.

And the rooting anchor that grows? It’s knowing that all will be forgiven. So off I swing, madly, truly, violently, from the heavy proof of absolution. 

Is this careless? Or simply unimaginable?

It seems messy but it is also clean, pure and untouched. This is a re-virgining of spirit as life comes back to me, as it once did, as a child. 

For all that was lost.

In the wake and furry of adolescence.

For all that was never gained . . .

I plunge, head long and head first, dead weight. I am a vision- shepparding my own flock, living in the hills of my infinite subconscious.  I am rebel - arousing suspicions in some, dreams in others. 

I am a creature.  

I walk this earth with you. Though sometimes alone, sometimes through folly and unforeseen circumstances, as queen and ghost, but still the way we all do, absorbed and lock-step, caught between idleness and forward momentum. Even at a standstill we spin, 100,000,000,000/mph.  Our earthly cavern is our anchor; and it anchors all. 

So remind me if I forget to smile. Remind me if I lose my way. Remind me of this - looking up- of all of this. And don’t forget to ask me, if you don’t walk too. 

And I will do the same, journeying to remind us all, we have a choice. 

My friends, my comrades, my peers, my loves, my family: 

 Life Lives! 

You can be one with the mercy of your dreams, high in the clutches of your own majesty! You can sign your own cheques and all it costs is everything that doesn’t matter. 

Walk with me, I’m on the other side and I am waiting to see, 

 

just what your mind can be.