The End.

Beckoning me back from the obscure fringes of my adventurous paths, I would welcome back the city and its splendors, resting my travel weariness inside her as she breathed new life into me with her chaos and indifference; both of us filled to the brim with one another and simultaneously lost in the fluttering golden light. Marvels in our own right, ones of evolution, progress, and fusion. 

It takes a certain amount of daring to scrape the sky with the earth, to house and cast away the hordes of life's refugees crushing themselves at your ports for a glimpse  of your cold and marbled groves of luminescent pines. It takes a certain amount of daring to be so impetuous, moving through the world like a whisper, sweeping in and out; inevitably just another discorded footprint on time's relentless march. The city has always been a fascination and a terror, breeding a deep duality within me; excitement and expression as well as oppression and obscurity. Lending itself to hope and indifference in a single instant.

In many ways I knew it was the end of an era, as Sydney and I sat side by each, examining each others existence. It had been three years of travel. Three years since my last footprint fell on home soil and I had made myself dirty with the places of the world. And now? I'm not sure just how I should feel, with the finality of so much. Mostly I am afraid. Afraid that it will all fade, the lessons, the love and the newness. I fear to be nothing but the nostalgic shadow of just another women. 

I am afraid I won't remember.

Remember how to hear the sounds of a soft shoe scuffle, the parade of leather souls down cracked and beaten paths. Remember how to see the stars, as I have again and again, as if for the first time.

Remember how to free my eyes, when the time comes, from those perspectives that do not serve me.
Remember that we creator of all magic and the directors of our dreams. That I can breath life into the narratives that I have lived. Narratives of strength, endurance and perseverance. Of kindness, insight, and a quest for commonality.

Remember that home is a place we carry in our heart and not a destination. To be kind to ourselves in our moments of weakness, they are fleeting and necessary. 

Remember to be open to the possibility of all things and all people. 

To not be afraid. To never, ever let fear rob us of curiosity. That all fear is a creation of the mind.
Will I remember that we are not just a summation of 'proofs', of things you can put down on paper, awards you can hold, or deeds you can count.That freedom is a mechanism of choice, not about having choices. We don't have freedom, we choose it, in the deepest parts of us. 

Travel has shown me these things and more. It has infused them in my being, in each breath taken 'out there'. In each memory there is so much joy and so much sadness its as if they wish to come to life, infusing even the most banal moments with significance.  It has also shown me loneliness. Shown me the pocket of silence that exists in the long stretches of time between departure and arrival, when attention is spare and suspect and the worlds indifference crushing. When you will be lonely. Utterly, despairingly, lonely. This is where it starts. This is the beginning what you really are. Every step after this point is victory. This is when you begin to live by choice, not default.

Not all travel is running, but sometimes it is. Recognize the difference. You cannot hide from those feelings or things about yourself you feel are ugly or unwanted. Their denial feeds deep resentment. Root it out. Understand what haunts you and face it. Call it out and sit with it. Then let it go. Burn that ugliness with the light of conscious awareness. You are infinite both in weakness and in strength.
No one has any answers, though many have some very interesting things to say. Listen first. Don't force yourself on others. If they're worth the time they will ask.

Your greatest attribute is the beauty, joy and persistence that comes from doing those things you are truly passionate about. For God sakes, Try Everything Once, you'll never believe all the things there are out there that you don't already know.

More people will love you, respect you, and do right by you than will let you down. Let it go and move on.

Sleep when you're tired.
Eat when you're hungry.
Be here now and enjoy. 

So goodbye Sydney, good bye road side cafe. Goodbye Moleskin notebook forever in my pocket, goodbye long endless road that has carried me for so long. So long love. Once again, I've got to go.
To follow my heart into to the world again is to know I still haven't given up.
To quest on,
roll on,
feel on,
to go - all the way.